I would like to officially apologize to anyone who has ever looked up to me . . . to anyone who ever looked at me and thought they saw greatness . . . to those who love me . . . to those who tolerate me . . . and to anyone who ever thought of me as “not lame.” I have let all of you down, and I am sorry.
Tonight, at approximately 6:00 PM, I did something that I swore I would never do, and that I hope I never have to do again. I hopped in my car, drove four miles down the street, parked my car, walked into the Edwards Grand Teton Cinema in Idaho Falls, and purchased one single movie ticket. I wish I could say that I was meeting a friend . . . that I had people saving a seat for me inside . . . that I was chased into the theatre by a flock of birds. I wish I could say all or any of those things, but I can’t. I’m afraid to say that I, Steven Hilton, went to the movie theatre to watch a movie all by myself.
I know that you’re all disappointed. I know that I have broken the trust of friends and loved ones and the heart of any girl who ever looked at me and said, “hey, he might be a good plan b.” I can’t change what happened tonight, and I know that it will haunt me for the rest of my life . . . maybe even longer. I don’t want to make excuses. I only ask that you can all find it in your hearts to blame Batman for what I’ve done. Not merely because I am the hero that Gotham needs, but because Batman was literally the movie that I saw.
I also would like to take this opportunity to say that John and Michael Smith were dead wrong. Dark Knight Rises was a fantastic ending to an epic trilogy and on par with the first two movies. Christopher Nolan is a genius and a mastermind and never disappoints. In fact, now that I think about it, I’m not really sorry at all. The movie was awesome, and I enjoyed every minute of it. How about you all just lay off me and stop being so judgmental?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Ummmm.. First of all, your blog is hilarious. Second of all, did we discuss the fact that I go to movies alone all the time!?? I think we did, but not positive. I probably babbled on and on about how I think it is awesome and you probably just nodded and thought to yourself -
ReplyDelete"Man, Maria is pathetic". HA! I'm glad you picked a movie that made it worth while for you!!
My wife was having company over once and I particularly did not want to be there so I told her I was going to the Library to "study". Lo and behold, J. Jordan Berardy went to the theater on his bicycle and watched THOR by himself. I am a MAN Steve and so are you.
ReplyDelete@Jordan Hahaha. I can't even decide what the best part of that story is.
ReplyDelete@Maria Yeah, we did talk about it. That's partly what convinced me to do it. This guy at work said he does it all the time, and I remembered you saying you do it too. So, I decided it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.
It happens to the best of us. I find that talking to an empty chair next to me helps. Making jokes, shushing my loud ghost friend, and even holding the invisible ghost hand... Only after the third or so ghost date. I dont want to be too forward.
ReplyDelete